Secrets at Seaside Read online

  “Don’t you want me?”

  Her broken voice nearly did him in, and when her arms went limp, he tightened his grip on her. “Amy,” he whispered again.

  In the space of a few seconds she pushed away from him, determination written in the tension around her mouth and the fisting of her hands.

  “Tell me why you don’t want me. What is it? Am I too flat-chested? Too unattractive?”

  “No.” You’re the sexiest woman I know. Anger felt so wrong coming from her that it momentarily numbed him.

  “I know I suck at seduction, but don’t these take-me high heels or this stupid dress turn you on? Even a little?”

  “Your take-me heels? Boy, you are drunk. You don’t realize what you’re saying. Come on.” He reached for her hand and she shrugged him off again.

  “Come on, Amy. Let me help you.” Before I give in to what I really want and lay your vulnerable, gorgeous, sexy body down and devour you.

  “So that’s it. I don’t turn you on.” She paced the room on wobbly ankles, looking like she was playing dress up in her mother’s high heels—and it did crazy things to Tony’s body. He followed beside her in case she stumbled, fighting the urge to give in and show her just how much she turned him on.

  “Maybe if I had bigger boobs, or if I were better at acting sexy, or if I were smarter, you’d want me.”

  It surprised him that she avoided the secret they’d buried so long ago, but then again, after that summer, she’d never said another word about it. And he’d let her get away with that, believing it was the only way she could survive what had happened. Just like him.

  “Amy, it’s none of those things.” He did not want to have this conversation with her. He wanted to fold her in his arms and kiss the worry away.

  Tears slipped down her cheeks.

  Tony could handle a lot of things, but Amy’s tears melted his heart, and that he’d caused them was further proof he wasn’t the right guy for her.

  “Then why, Tony? Just tell me once and for all. Why don’t you want me? I need to know so I can decide about taking this job in Australia.”

  Tony opened his mouth to answer, but his thoughts were jumbled as he processed what she’d said. “Australia? I thought you said you weren’t taking it.”

  She crossed her arms, and he hated knowing it was to protect herself from his rejection. Tony felt like a heel, but he knew that taking Amy up on her seduction would only dredge up bad memories and lead to hurting her. They’d spent a lifetime denying the past between them existed, even to themselves.

  “I said I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.” She dropped her eyes to the floor, and he slid a hand in hers, as he’d done a million times before. It was a natural reaction. Taking care of her. Protecting her. Helping her feel safe. He knew it could send her mixed messages, but he just couldn’t help himself. His hand had already claimed its spot with hers.

  “You’d give up everything you’ve built to run Duke’s resort? You’d move to Australia?” He had nothing against Duke Ryder. But the idea that Amy would change her life to help him just pissed Tony off.

  She sank down onto the bed and buried her face in her hands.

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and when she tried to pull away, he tightened his grip and kissed the top of her head.

  “Amy, you’re sexy, smart, and everything a guy could want.”

  She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her damp eyes. He felt like the biggest jerk on earth, and at the same time, his own heart was fighting tooth and nail against the space he was trying to maintain between them.

  He scrubbed his hand down his face. “You are all those things, Amy, and so much more, but…”

  “But you like me as a friend.”

  He’d never seen so much hurt concentrated in one person’s eyes, and even if he had, it wouldn’t have compared to seeing it in Amy’s. He touched his forehead to hers, and he did the only thing he knew how to do without doing irreparable damage to their friendship.

  His lie came in a whisper. “No. I love you as a friend.”

  He loved Bella, Caden, and the others. But what he felt for Amy was so much bigger than friendship, it threatened to stop his heart.

  She didn’t say a word, just nodded, and Tony knew in that moment that she wasn’t drunk enough to forget what he’d said by the morning—and he almost wished she were.

  Chapter Two

  THERE WERE TIMES in a woman’s life when she needed to be anywhere but in her own head. This was one of those times. Amy stood on the side of the dance floor at Jamie and Jessica’s wedding reception, reflecting on all that had transpired the night before. Amy had spent the entire night trying to separate herself from her heart and trying to convince herself that she could live a perfectly happy life without Tony in it.

  And she’d failed.

  Miserably.

  She was surprised her bed hadn’t fallen through the floor with the weight of her tears last night. Amy had no business trying to seduce Tony. She hadn’t a clue what she was doing. Did her friends really think that after all these years he’d suddenly look at her and profess his love to her? Did I? She must be a glutton for punishment.

  He. Doesn’t. Love. Me.

  It had taken Jenna an hour to cover every splotch and conceal the dark moons under Amy’s eyes. Before the ceremony, Leanna and Jessica had given her such good pep talks that she almost believed Tony was no longer worthy of her thoughts. Bella, however, hadn’t been quite as ready to let him go. She’d wanted Tony’s head on a platter.

  At least they’d made it through the ceremony without any head chopping, and it turned out that Amy did have more tears to shed. She’d cried when Jessica and Jamie exchanged their wedding vows. Jessica looked radiant in a chiffon sheath wedding dress with a sweetheart neckline and crisscross bodice. It was the perfect combination of elegance and simplicity. Jamie couldn’t have been more handsome in his dark tux with the look of love in his eyes so thick and palpable Amy felt like a voyeur.

  The reception was half over, and so far Amy had successfully avoided saying two words to Tony. With Bella on the warpath, she was pretty sure that Tony was keeping his distance in order to save the wedding from a scene. She’d been busy keeping her distance from her father. She adored him, but he was so overprotective that she didn’t think she could stand his scrutiny on the heels of her very messed up seduction. Luckily, he’d been too busy talking with Jamie’s grandmother, Vera, and Leanna’s parents to track her down.

  She allowed herself one small peek at Tony. She was annoyed at how her stomach fluttered at the sight of him. Holy mother of hotness, did he have to look so good in that tux? His shoulders seemed impossibly broad. Tuxes weren’t supposed to fit tightly, but heck if his biceps didn’t stretch that fancy material every time he lifted his drink. His hair needed a trim. His hair always needed a trim. Amy liked the way his sandy blond hair brushed his thick lashes. She found it even more attractive that he wasn’t perfectly manicured, as was all the rage.

  She remembered all the summers their families had spent together at the Cape, the way she’d watched his body change over the years, hoping he’d notice hers. She thought of the tall and lanky boy he’d been the summer after high school and the way their young bodies had fit together like they were made for each other. She fought hard to push those intimate thoughts away again, thinking instead of the years when she’d been in college and he’d been surfing around the world, making a name for himself. He’d broadened and become muscled to heart-throbbing proportions over those years when they hadn’t seen each other much. They’d drifted apart, making it easier to allow their past to drift away, too. But her feelings had never changed. She’d loved him then and she loved him now. Even if he didn’t love her back the way she wanted him to.

  “Amy.”

  Bella’s voice startled her, and when she lifted her eyes, they were all there for her. Her saviors. Her Seaside sisters. Bella, Leanna, Jenna, Jessica, and even Sky.


  “Hey.” Amy smoothed her royal-blue bridesmaid dress. Jessica had chosen short dresses that were chic enough to wear to the wedding but casual enough to wear again to a fancy dinner or out on the town. Jenna had kept her dark hair longer this summer, nearly the same length as Bella’s, Leanna’s, and Amy’s, to the middle of their backs, which would look nice in the wedding pictures.

  “Come on, gorgeous.” Bella reached for her hand. “We’re not going to sulk over surfer boy.”

  “No, I’m definitely not,” she lied.

  “Besides, your father is about ten feet behind you. I figured you needed backup.” Bella shifted her eyes over Amy’s shoulder.

  “Oh no,” Amy whispered. Her mother and father had divorced when she was twelve, and while she’d split her time between the two of them during the year, after their divorce, she’d continued spending the summers with her father at the Cape. It had been her mother who’d initiated the divorce with a need to find herself, whatever that meant to her, and Amy had always felt bad for her father. She was very much a daddy’s girl before the divorce, and after, having felt bad for him, she’d tried even harder to please him.

  She felt his hand on her shoulder and smelled his Old Spice cologne before he said a word. She feigned a smile and turned. “Hi, Dad.”

  “How’s my princess?” He hugged her close, and before she could get a word out, he said, “I’m so proud of you, Amy. When you called to say you increased your business revenue by thirty percent, I had to brag to all of my cohorts.”

  Of course you did. “I’m glad you’re proud, Dad.” Her father was in his late fifties. His once-thick blond hair was now flecked with white and thinning on top. He wasn’t a heavy man, but his face had lost any signs of youth, and his jowls showed his age.

  “I told you Brown would pay off. A chip off the old block, that’s what you are.” He draped an arm over her shoulder and pulled her in close. “That’s my girl.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “It’s your focus that has you rising to the top, princess. You’re smarter and more determined than any other woman out there.”

  As if he only just realized the others were there, he smiled at them. “Girls, you all look lovely.”

  “Thank you,” they said collectively.

  Bella reached for Amy’s hand and pulled her out from her father’s grasp. Amy wanted to thank her, but she knew better than to let on that she was being saved.

  “Mr. Maples, if you don’t mind, we have some bridesmaidy things to attend to,” Bella said.

  “Oh.” His thick brows drew together. “Princess, I’m proud of you. We’ll catch up. Call me sometime soon. I want to go over your business plan for next year.”

  It was all Amy could do to keep from rolling her eyes. “I will, Dad.” She took the opportunity to turn away and speak to Jessica, hoping her father would take the hint. “Jess, that was the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to.” Luckily, her father turned his attention to someone else. She breathed a little easier with him out of the picture. “Thanks, Bella.”

  “The man would rule every minute of your life if you let him, but I think he means well,” Bella said.

  “He does mean well. He just…means too well. Anyway, now it’s time for you, Leanna, and Jenna to get married.”

  “No way.” Jenna draped an arm over her shoulder. “We made a deal. The four of us are getting married together, remember?”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not even dating.” Amy smiled at the thought that they would even consider waiting for her after last night’s debacle.

  “Ha! I see eligible bachelors.” Jenna pointed across the room to Blue Ryder, standing with Duke, both looking incredibly hot in their suits. What was it about men in suits that made them look sexier?

  “I’m sure Sky wouldn’t want me to go out with Blue, and Duke might be my new boss. I think I’m okay by myself. Besides, I have you guys. I don’t need a man.”

  Sky rolled her eyes and flipped her long brown hair over her shoulders. She was a total throwback from the seventies, with her bohemian style and laid-back nature. “Blue and I are just friends. I’ve told you guys that a hundred times.”

  “Whatever. Then you’re crazy.” Bella laughed. “What is it with people being so obviously interested in each other and fighting it?”

  “I’m not fighting a darn thing. Or at least I wasn’t trying to.” Amy glanced at Tony as a tall, curvy brunette made a beeline for him.

  Jessica followed her gaze and cringed. “Sorry, Amy. That’s one of my symphony friends. She’s a Worthington. Very rich, a little snotty. Not the type of woman Tony would like, I’m sure.” Jessica played the cello for the Boston Symphony Orchestra.

  Bella spun Amy around so her back was to Tony. “Anyway… About that job. I think that regardless of what happened with Tony, you shouldn’t take it unless you can get summers off.”

  “I know you do, Bella. I’m talking to Duke tomorrow to find out a few more details. But honestly, Tony made his feelings, or lack thereof, very clear to me last night. I think I just need to accept it and move on. And maybe moving on means not seeing him for eight weeks every summer.”

  They turned back to their friends as Jamie swept Jessica out to the dance floor. Caden and Pete were right behind them.

  “Babe?” Caden held a hand out to Bella and nodded toward the dance floor.

  Bella turned compassionate eyes to Amy. “Ames?”

  “I’m fine. Go.” She watched her friends wrapped in their loved ones’ arms. Even Blue and Sky were dancing cheek to cheek, just friends or not. She’d like to be dancing cheek to cheek with Tony. I love you as a friend. Could she accept his honesty and still have the same friendship they’d always shared? On some level she knew that just because she now had her answer, their friendship shouldn’t change. If anything, it should get stronger. Now that she clearly understood its constraints, she should be able to remove the hope and anticipation of ever having more.

  She watched the couples on the dance floor and smiled at a friend of Jessica’s dancing with his teenage daughter. Tony passed behind them, and suddenly the sight of that teenage girl threw Amy off-kilter, sending her mind back to when she and Tony were teenagers.

  Tony turned and their eyes locked. Her knees weakened. This was too much. He was too much.

  Who was she kidding?

  He wasn’t just too much.

  He was everything.

  TONY WATCHED AS Amy lowered herself into a chair and shifted her eyes away, but not before he saw the look in her eyes. Maybe she hadn’t buried the past so deeply after all.

  She’d been avoiding him all day, and he hated that as much as he hated the idea of her being with anyone else. She looked stunning in her blue strapless dress, but no amount of makeup could hide the pain he’d read in her eyes. Her eyes never lied. Not when she was a teenager and not as an adult. Not even last night, when they’d been full of love and lust and when they’d clouded over with hurt. He needed to apologize for hurting her. He wished he could save himself from the pain, too, but that was his cross to bear.

  While he was busy mulling over the line he’d drawn in the sand, Duke joined Amy at the table. Duke had about two inches on Tony. All of the Ryders were six three or six four, with athletic builds and a look of determination in their eyes. Duke reminded Tony of every surfing competitor he’d ever had: savvy, always sizing up his surroundings. But beneath that carefully devised exterior, he had a friendly nature, and he was always talking about his family. He was a good man, and he’d make a good boss for Amy. And Tony knew by Duke’s protectiveness over his own sister that he’d watch out for Amy.

  Duke sat beside her and leaned in close, talking about who knew what. The job, probably. Amy was smiling, but it wasn’t the same smile Tony knew and loved. It was forced, and it never reached her eyes. He wondered if Duke could see that, too, or if he was oblivious the way new employers usually were.

  “Hey there, handsome.”

 
; Tony clenched his jaw. Cher Worthington was Jessica’s friend from work, a clingy brunette with big knockers and an hourglass figure. There was never a shortage of attractive women wanting to accompany Tony in a night of no-strings-attached sex. He could have his pick of jailbait to cougar, groupie to celebrity. Since Tony had long ago built a fortress around his heart, the whole no-strings scenario had always suited him just fine. But at thirty-four, he was no longer interested in overenthusiastic twenty-three-year-olds, lecherous cougars looking to ease the pain of aging, or anyone in between.

  “Hi, Cher.” He walked toward Amy and Duke. Over the last few summers, as Tony watched his friends at Seaside fall in love and move toward the altar, his interests had narrowed. So much so that they were heading backward.

  Cher draped her hand possessively on Tony’s shoulder. Her breath brushed against his ear. “Help a lady ease her loneliness? Dance with me?”

  Amy lifted hopeful eyes to Tony as he headed her way. Her gaze slid to Cher, hanging on Tony like a second shirt, and all that hope evaporated as if it had never existed. What the heck was wrong with him? This was just one reason why he couldn’t be with Amy. Inside he was pining for Amy, tearing himself up over hurting her and wanting her more than he’d ever wanted another woman—and he hadn’t thought to shake Cher off. He’d become so used to attention from women that he’d ignored it and had inadvertently hurt Amy again.

  This was so messed up.

  He glanced at the dance floor. Caden was gazing into Bella’s eyes. Pete and Jenna were smooching, and Jamie and Jessica, well, were they ever not lusting after each other? And Kurt and Leanna? Those two emitted love from a thousand miles away.

  Like Amy. Sweet Amy. She looked at him with more emotion than any of their friends looked at each other. If he had a sliver of a chance of being the man she deserved, he’d give up everything else in his life just to be with her.

  “Excuse me, Cher.” He stepped away and closed the gap between him and Amy. He would give up surfing, motivational speaking. He’d give up breathing if he could be good enough for her, but he wasn’t even sure he knew how to own his feelings anymore after repressing them for so long.